Guidelines
and Policies
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Greetings!
We're very pleased that you would like to have your Christian Marriage
Worship Service at Crossroads Presbyterian Church. Many churches have
different traditions, customs and guidelines concerning weddings. Some
have developed over the years out of the culture and are very flexible.
Others are an expression of the church's theological understanding of God and
the marriage relationship. They should not be flexible. Our
church is no exception. We have some traditions that could be changed
and adapted to each wedding. Some are symbolic of our core understand
of God. The information contained on these webpages will help the
couple understand our traditions and customs so that their wedding will be a
wonderful expression of their love for one another and faith in God. We
hope you will find the information helpful in forming your wedding
plans.
Your decision to enter into this new relationship together will be an all
encompassing one. It will take time and a great deal of energy. Please read
through these pages carefully.
Our prayers are with both of you as together, you begin to make plans for
your marriage ceremony. We wish God's blessing upon you. |
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Steps to Planning |
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Early planning is a must. The further ahead you plan,
the fewer disappointments you will encounter. The Pastor prefers at least six
months in advance but will make exceptions under extenduating circumstances. 1. Please read
the entire Planning Your Wedding website. 2. Call the Church
Office (248-624-3821) to set an initial appointment with Pastor John and the
Wedding Coordinator. 3. Fill out the
“Wedding Information Form” and mail it to the church with a check for the
deposit. Your reservation is not guaranteed until the deposit is
received. 4. Session
approval of request. 5. Meet with
Pastor John for a preliminary discussion of the pre-marriage counseling, the
wedding service in the Presbyterian tradition and the next steps. 6. Meet with
Wedding Coordinator to review the policies and guidelines of the Crossroads
Presbyterian Church, the planning process of a wedding, the schedule for the
rehershal and the logistical arrangements for wedding. |
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The Presbyterian Tradition |
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Christian marriage
services held in the Crossroads Presbyterian Church will normally be
conducted according to the Presbyterian tradition. While membership in a
Presbyterian church is not required, at least one person shall have received
the sacrament of Christian baptism. |
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Divorce and Remarriage |
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Since the 1600’s,
Presbyterians have understood that while a marriage is a solemn covenant that
is intended to last a lifetime, a relationship may breakdown and for the
emotional and spiritual well being of the couple, a divorce is
inevitable. While the remarriage of either spouse is permitted, they
should be cautious about not entering a new relationship until they have
sought counsel and waited for the wounds to heal. Therefore, Pastor John
recommends that a couple wait at least one year before seeking pre-marriage
counseling after the divorce of one or both parties. The same would
apply following the death of a spouse. |
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The Gift of Marriage |
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Marriage is a gift
God has given to all humankind for the well-being of the entire human family.
Marriage is a civil contract between a woman and a man. For Christians marriage
is a covenant through which a man and a woman are called to live out together
before God their lives of discipleship. In a service of Christian marriage, a
lifelong commitment is made by a woman and a man to each other, publicly
witnessed and acknowledged by the community of faith. In preparation for the
marriage service, the minister shall provide for a discussion with the man
and the woman concerning 1. the nature
of their Christian commitment, assuring that at least one is a professing
Christian, 2. the legal
requirements of the state, 3. the
privileges and responsibilities of Christian marriage, 4. the nature
and form of the marriage service, 5. the vows and
commitments they will be asked to make, 6. the
relationship of these commitments to their lives of discipleship, 7. the
resources of the faith and the Christian community to assist them in
fulfilling their marriage commitments. This discussion is
equally important in the case of a first marriage, a marriage after the death
of a spouse, and a marriage following divorce.
If the minister is convinced after discussion with the couple that
commitment, responsibility, maturity, or Christian understanding are so
lacking that the marriage is unwise, the minister shall assure the couple of
the church’s continuing concern for them and not conduct the ceremony. In
making this decision the minister may seek the counsel of the session.
Christian marriage should be celebrated in the place where the community
gathers for worship. As a service of Christian worship, the marriage service
is under the direction of the minister and the supervision of the
session. The marriage ordinarily takes place in a special service which
focuses upon marriage as a gift of God and as an expression of the Christian
life. Others may be invited to participate as leaders in the service at the
discretion of the pastor. Celebration of the Lord’s Supper at the marriage
service requires the approval of the session, and care shall be taken that
the invitation to the Table is extended to all baptized present. The marriage
service may take place during the Service for the Lord’s Day upon
authorization by the session. It should be placed in the order as a response
to the proclamation of the Word. It may then be followed by the Sacrament of
the Lord’s Supper. |
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Flowers, Decorations, Candles, etc |
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Flowers,
decorations and other appointments for the Church Santuary should be appropriate
to a place of worship, enhance the worshipper’s consciousness of the reality
of God, and reflect the integrity and simplicity of the Christian life.
The use of flowers and floral decorations in the Sanctuary should be tasteful
and discreet. Some couples choose to use a Wedding Candle arrangement
in lieu of flower baskets. Greens may be used in a tasteful
manner.
Pew Bows, Greens, or Flowers may be used, but only insofar as they are
capable of being attached to the pews with the use of non-marring tapes or
brarckets. Tacks, nails, etc. are prohbitted. Often, white bows
are used to reserve pews for family members and special guests, but they must
also be affixed without harming the pews.
The wedding corrdinator shall discuss with the couple their plans for
decorations.
Elaborate floral displays shall not be permitted on the communion table.
Some couples like to use a white runner. A 50 foot length is sufficient
for our Sanctuary. The bride and groom may also, decide to use a
kneeling bench but, it is the responsibility of the wedding party to arrange
for these from an outside source.
We provide the stand for the Unity
candle and acommanying candles. The couple may choose to provide their
own candle with prior approval from Pastor John. |
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Music |
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The marriage
service is directed by the Pastor and the supervision of the Session.
Embarrassing situations are easily avoided by discussing all plans for music,
as well as potential guest musicians to be used within the marriage service,
with Pastor John during your planning sessions.
We affirm that music that directs attention to God and expresses the faith of
the Church is most suited for the wedding ceremony. Songs that express
the a couples commitment, feelings and dreams for one another may also be
used with the permission of the pastor. At times, it is desirable for the
congregation gathered for the wedding service to join in hymns and other
musical forms of praise and prayer.
Pastor John strongly encourages friends or familiy members who wish to perfom
a special song for the ceremony providing the music is approved in advance. |
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Pictures and Video Taping |
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The Wedding Serivce
is a service for the worship of God. As such, the taking of flash pictures
during the Wedding Service is prohibited. Pictures with flash may only
be taken during the Processinoal and Recessional. Non-flash photography may
be taken during the service from the back of the sanctuary. Close-ups
of events during the Wedding Service may be re-staged after the service is
concluded. The couple is expected to inform the photographer before the
wedding ceremony of these restrictions.
Video taping of the wedding service is permitted, but the equipment and
personnel must be as unobtrusive as possible. The videographer will
follow the same guidelines as those for still photographers. |
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The Wedding Support Team |
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We hope to make
your wedding ceremony at the Crossroads Presbyterian Church a wonderful
experience that solidifies your love for one another. We have found
that this requires a team effort. The Pastor cannot do it alone.
Therefore, we require services of our Wedding Coordinator, Accompanist, and
Custodian. All three are required even when another church makes
arrangements to use our sanctuary.
The Wedding Coordinator will meet with the couple to review the plans for the
rehearsal, the time schedule for the day of the wedding, flowers and other
necessary arrangements. She will conduct the rehearsal to ensure that
each person understands his or her part. And on the day of the wedding,
she will assist the wedding party with the necessary preparation.
Our Accompanist is highly qualified and quite flexible. Normally, the
couple will select the songs with wedding coordinator but they may contact
the Accompanist for special music. If a relative or friend is a gifted
musician, upon request, our Accompanist will graciously step down.
The Custodian serves the couple both before and after the actual wedding
ceremony. He prepares the sanctuary for the rehearsal and wedding by
setting everything in place. After the ceremony and everyone has existed, he
prepares the sanctuary for Sunday morning worship service. He does so
many things behind the scenes, that they are too numerous to mention. |
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Pre-Marriage Counseling |
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Pastor John is required by his ordination vows to ensure
that the couple is adequately prepared to offer their vows of
commitment. He also enjoys getting to know the couple and for them to
get to know him. The counseling is a two way street. The sessions
are designed to allow the couple to reflect on their relationship, their
roles, and their goals. He will make some observations and asks some
questions. With few exceptions, couples have said that these sessions
helped them to understand the other person a little better and their own role
in the relationship. 1. Introductions
– This session will introduce the couple to Pastor John, the Wedding
Coordinator, and the policies and procedures of the Crossroads Presbyterian
Church. 2. ALPHA Series
– We cannot really love another person until we have first discovered God’s
love. Alpha is an introductory course designed to help a person
understand the Christian faith. The couple is encouraged to attend the
entire Series but is required to attend at least the first session. 3. Getting
Acquainted – This session asks a lot of questions. Where did you live? What
was it like at home? How did your parents show love for one another? How did
you meet? How did you become interested? Why him? Why her? And a whole lot
more is asked and answered. The couple is required to watch together
the movie Love Stinks. 4. Understanding
our Uniqueness – Each of us is gifted and talented. We have our own
particular uniqueness that makes us who we are. Using the Myers-Briggs
Temperament Indicator, we will discover how that uniqueness will enhance and
distract the relationship. 5. The Nuts and
Bolts of the Relationship – We will discuss how each person understand their
role and responsibilities in the relationship. The couple will be required to
watch the movie, War of Roses. 6. The Wedding
Service – We will finalize the plans and the liturgy that will be used for
the ceremony. The couple will be encouraged to be creative in their
planning. They may choose to write their own vows, include poems,
narrative material, video, prose or Scripture that reminds them of their love
for one another, their faith and their commitment. The Pastor reserves
the right to conduct additional counseling sessions if necessary before he
will agree to marry the couple.
Couples who are not able to attend these session together may obtain the
pastoral services in their town of residence or participate in a Pre-Marriage
workshop with Pastor John’s approval. |
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Miscellaneous |
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The use of rice or
confetti is not permitted. Couples are encouraged to use alternative
symbols such as non-staining bubbles, or to omit these expressions of joy.
The sanctuary is not air-conditioned.
Preparation of foods in the Church’s kitchen facilities is not permitted.
Prepared food, eating and serving utensils may be brought or catered into
Fellowship Hall with the Church’s kitchen used as a pantry.
The Church’s Custodian will set up and take down tables and /or chairs in
Fellowship Hall for Receptions.
Exceptions to the Fees for the use of the building may be made at the
discretion of the Pastor with the concurrence of the moderator of the
Building/Grounds Ministry Team.
The Security Deposit is refundable in whole or in part depending upon the
condition of the facilities after the event is concluded.
Alcoholic beverages and use of tobacco products are not permitted in any of
the church facilities. |
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Honorariums and Fees |
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Honorariums and
fees shall be paid at least fourteen (14) days in advance of the wedding date
and held by the wedding coordinator. Please make checks for the
sanctuary, fellowhisp hall, candles payable to Crossoroads Presbyterian
Church and checks for honorariums for the minister, accompanist, and
custodian payable to that individual. The Wedding Coordinator shall provide a
list of names. |
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Crossroads Presbyterian Church
1445 Welch Rd
Walled Lake MI 48390
Send us a note mailto: office@crossroadspc.org